Dear Prospective Employer,

Every family wants essentially the same from their nanny, someone that they can feel their children will be safe with and that is engaged and loving.  Assuring that these goals are being met is the challenge for each parent.  Obviously, if you fear, in anyway for the safety of your child, that needs to be resolved immediately.  Safety is the bare bone minimum that every family should expect from their nanny.

Fortunately, in spite of what the media presents, few Nannies abuse their charges.  Once you are sure of your child's safety there are many other issues to consider.

Some of them are:

Let's take a look at each of the above points.

• A Nanny's effectiveness can, really be compromised by the ages and number of children she is responsible for.  It's important that the Nanny has suitable skills for the ages of your children.  Some Nannies are great with one infant and cannot handle more than one child.  Older kids require a Nanny that can set real limits and command the respect of their charges.  If your Nanny has several children to take care of plus your home, it's a safe bet that something is going to be compromised.  Every Nanny works hard for her money and families need to be on the lookout for an overworked Nanny.  It may seem obvious but a Nanny who is overburdened and under appreciated cannot be giving your children her best.

• Salary is an important issue because what you can reasonably expect from your Nanny is determined to a large extent by salary.  A Nanny with self esteem will not work below what her market salary should be.  A Nanny with low self esteem will be influencing your children in a way that may not be beneficial to them.  There is a marketplace and every skill a nanny brings to the table has value.  These skills are: experience, fluency, literacy, driving, awareness of child development issues and education.  

• What are your expectations?  Do you want a person who's going to clean your home and take care of your kids? Or do you want a person that will be able  to educate your children and know age appropriate play and developmental stages?  It's not likely that the same person will be good at both, or even do both.  The fundamental conflict is a "nanny" is not going to do general housekeeping.  If she does, chances are she's going to be looking for a new job sooner rather than later.  Many problems arise because the family is not realistic about what to expect from their nanny and or they change the job description after she has been hired and on the job

• Do you feel that she really enjoys working with your children, or is she doing this simply as a way to make a living?  I think we all have seen Nannies that look bored and disengaged from their charges.  One of the things to look for is your child's reaction when your Nanny arrives and leaves.  Is he/she happy to see her arrive and sad to see her go or is he/she scared and crying when she arrives.

• What was she hired to do? When a Nanny is hired it should be made as clear as possible what her responsibilities are.  Her hours need to be defined.  Live-in Nannies must have a beginning time and a reasonable time when their day is over.  If changes are to be made on the employment contract, think about what the impact will be on the nanny and solicit her opinion.  Remember, she is taking care of your children and everything you do will impact how she cares for them in one way or another.

• Is there an open line of communication between you and she?  As in all human relationships communication is often what makes a difference between a successful relationship and failure.  Nannies in general are child-oriented and have a hard time being direct or confrontational with their employers.  There can also be cultural issues to further complicate things.  I have spoken to dozens of nannies that are unhappy in their jobs and they often show their displeasure by their feet, rather than by trying to work things out.  They tend to let issues build up over time. Many of these departures could be avoided if only the nanny and the family had spoken about the problems before it reached a crisis.  I encourage both nannies and families to get their issues out in the open.  It usually isn't realistic to expect that your nanny is going to come to you.  YOU, more often than not are going to have to take the initiative, and then be prepared to listen.. You may get an earful.

The best nanny/employer relationships are where there is a mutual respect between each party.  Do you really like each other and feel that you know each other?  The relationship with your nanny, at it's best enriches everyone, and most importantly, the lives of your children.  Nannies need to feel valued in order to provide the nurturing, loving relationship that is so important for your children.  When it works well, the nanny will touch your children's lives in ways that will always be with them and perhaps you as well.

If you have further questions about A-PRO, its program or policies, you can e-mail me directly:  el(at)elapostol.com   

@Your Service,

EL APOSTOL